how to tell if your man is toxic

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how to tell if your man is toxic

Post by butterfly on Sun Dec 28, 2008 7:54 pm

How To Tell If Your Man Is Toxic And What To Do If He Is

Most of us have experienced loving a “Toxic Man” at least once in our lives. And some of us have long-standing patterns of being with ONLY Toxic Men.
There are different forms of Toxic-ness, and different degrees of Toxic-ness, and almost ALL of the time, it’s truly difficult to tell whether a man just has a flaw – where he makes mistakes – or if he’s DANGEROUS to be in a relationship with.

So it’s absolutely crucial for us to be able to KNOW where a man falls on the Toxic Scale. And then once we know what kind of man we’re dealing with, we need to be able to know what to DO about it.

Should we avoid him if he’s a new man in our lives? Run like he’s the plague? Or should we give him a chance to prove himself? And if we do, then how long a chance should we give him?

And if we discover we’re WITH a very Toxic Man, what should we do then?

If we’ve tried everything we know to get our man to “listen” to us and “change his ways” – sometimes just to “grow up” and “be a man” – then we know trying to change him is not an easy thing.

At least not the way we’ve all been taught to go about “changing” him. Instead of thinking about “changing” him, let’s use the word “Transform.”

Transforming a man is different than trying to change him, because instead of focusing on HIM, and HIS issues, and solving HIS problems – transformation involves changing the “Environment” of the relationship.

Though we can’t change our man – we CAN change the RELATIONSHIP.

By changing what goes on in that space between us and our man, by shifting the way the “Third Presence” that is the relationship FEELS (think of 3 parts to a relationship – there’s HIM, there’s US, and then there’s the RELATIONSHIP), we can change EVERYTHING.

And when we do that, our man will instinctively WANT to transform HIMSELF.

And how do you go about changing that “Third Presence”? How do you TRANSFORM your man so you can be happy and at peace once again?

How do you know if the negative qualities he seems to have and the painful things he does are just minor flaws – just “mistakes” he makes because that’s all he knows? How do you know if he’s able to LEARN to fix his mistakes and do better – consistently better – or if every negative thing that happens between you is a sign that he’s dangerous to be in a relationship with?
And once you find out the answer to that question, what do you do about it? How do you transform him so you can end the rollercoaster of emotions and regain the happiness and sanity that you once had?
It sounds hopeless… unless you have the right tools, and understand the PROCESS.
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Re: how to tell if your man is toxic

Post by diez4u on Fri Jan 09, 2009 8:14 pm

nice topic and so much informative thanks for sharing keep it up gal Wink
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