Relationship Advice

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Relationship Advice

Post by mr.banker on Wed Mar 25, 2009 8:40 am

"Relationship Advice When Your Partner Gives You the Cold Shoulder"

Just about any and all love relationships have their ups and downs. It's sometimes difficult to tell the difference between a relationship “slump” and a warning sign that you need to take a close look at what's going on and consider some changes.

When you feel like your partner is giving you the cold shoulder what does it mean? Is he or she merely going through a difficult time that has nothing to do with you or has something about your relationship-- or you-- upset your mate?

We advise that even a relationship “slump” needs to be acknowledged. But especially when you notice signs that your love is closing down to you-- giving you the cold shoulder-- it's time for you to wake up, pay attention and do what you can to turn things around.

The bottom line is that any amount of emotional distance can mean disconnection. When you ignore the “slump” or cold shoulder, that disconnection can grow and worsen.

Check in with yourself.

When you sense that your love is giving you the cold shoulder, take some time to go within. Before you approach your partner with worries or fearful questions, check in to see how you've been feeling.

Sometimes we can transfer to our mate what we're actually feeling and have not yet acknowledged.

There are times when it IS truly all about you. Be clear about what you are feeling now and the emotions that were present for you before you noticed your love's “cold shoulder.”

If you realize that you are the one who feels angry, irritated or upset, then explore what triggered those emotions for you. If your partner played a role in you feeling triggered, ask yourself if there is something that you two could each do differently in the future.
Avoid blaming your partner for “making” you feel a particular way.

When you take responsibility for your own feelings and reactions, then you can decide how to improve not only your mood, but also your connection with your love. From this place of non-blame, you can make requests of your love.

Ask for information.

If, after going within, you decide that your partner really is acting irregularly toward you and truly seems to be giving you the cold shoulder, choose what you want to do next.

Take a symbolic step back from the situation and any stories you may be telling yourself in an attempt to understand your mate's behavior. Formulate within your mind what you want to happen and what will help you get there.

After checking in with herself, Ann feels sure that Jackie is giving her the cold shoulder-- this is much different than the previous occasion.
Learning more about what your partner is feeling right now is important to moving beyond the cold shoulder and toward the connection you want.

However, be clear within your own mind and with the words you choose that it is information that you want and then be ready to listen.

Don't approach your mate with accusations or even observations about what you think is going on for him or her. Instead, ask your love to share with you how he or she is feeling at this time—in general and about your relationship.

You might not want to hear what your partner has to say when he or she opens up about the cold shoulder. But, this new sense of openness can help you two make decisions and changes together as a couple which can ultimately draw you closer.

"Your Relationship Problems: Fix Em' While They're Still Small"

Just about every love relationship has some little irritating tendencies that both people resolve to put up with. It may be tensions over money or perhaps one person has a jealousy habit which strains the relationship. No matter what it is for you, it's possible that you and your mate avoid the issue or ignore how you feel about it in an attempt to keep the peace.

Unfortunately, no matter how good you two are at avoiding, shoving aside your own feelings, or tuning out the voiced concerns of your partner, these “little” relationship problems are not just going to disappear. In fact, chances are pretty high that whatever is beginning to come between you and your love will only get more intense if you don't address the issue.

The good news is that when you take care of relationship problems when they are relatively “small,” they are usually more manageable fixes which means you and your love can connect even more deeply than before.

Be honest about how you are feeling.
In order to “fix 'em” while those irritating relationship problems are small, you need to be honest with yourself and your partner about how you are feeling.

Don't let embarrassment stand in the way of you sharing that you feel disconnected from your mate. First of all, take some quiet time to be clear about how you feel about what's going on. Try to get to the root of the problem you are experiencing to more fully understand your emotions.

Use affirmative statements about what you want.
When we suggest that you address those seemingly “small” relationship problems now, we aren't recommending that you make up a list of your gripes about your partner and then present it to him or her. Instead, share your perception of the relationship problem from a place of how you feel and what you want. Use affirmative statements as much as possible to convey the change or shift you'd like to work toward.

Appreciate steps taken toward what you want.
Even if your relationship problem persists, be sure to acknowledge and appreciate the steps that you and your partner are
taking toward the desired changes. Even a seemingly small issue may take awhile to shift.

The more you can celebrate any movement in the direction you want to go, the more momentum you are adding. Notice your
partner's efforts and your own and keep communicating clearly and lovingly along the way.

"After the Argument or Fight: 3 Ways to Reconnect"
Literally every relationship has had them--
misunderstandings and arguments. It might have been a huge fight where either or both of you said or did things you now regret. Or it could have been a "quiet" miscommunication
that left you feeling suspicious or very confused.

Regardless of the intensity of the argument or misunderstanding, the resulting disconnection between you two is probably uncomfortable and not conducive to having
the relationship you really want.

You may be feeling hurt and even mistrustful in the aftermath of whatever happened between you and your partner.

You might wonder if he or she will ever really understand your "side" of a situation. It could feel like you don't really know your mate as well as you thought you did.

It could also seem that you two will never see eye to eye on this subject-- or at all-- and that your voice is being squashed down all of the time. These are all valid feelings.
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Re: Relationship Advice

Post by mr.banker on Wed Mar 25, 2009 8:43 am

But if your intention is to move beyond the wall that now seems to exist between you two, you probably want to look toward finding resolution and letting go of what happened.

As you rebuild trust and regain connection, you can also begin to take down that wall and move closer to your mate.

How do you do all of that? What are some ways to close that gap and reconnect with the one you love?

Here are some tips to try....

Tip # 1: Discover and ask for what you need.
Go within and ask yourself what questions you need answered, issues you need addressed, or actions you need to happen in order to feel a sense of resolution with whatever happened. This could vary in terms of "bigness" or "smallness," but the effects can be just as powerful.

Perhaps your partner has been e-mailing with a former boyfriend or girlfriend and, when you found out about it, you blew up and your partner became defensive claiming that he or she is innocent and just wants to renew a friendship with this former mate.

While the dust has settled on the argument, the issue remains unresolved and you still feel suspicious and fearful. Ask yourself what you need to happen in order to move on?

This might be a promise that your partner will not e-mail with the former partner. It could be that you want your partner to share more information with you about this renewed friendship. Or, it could be you decide
to trust what your love is saying. Whatever you decide, ask your partner to help you meet these needs as best as he or she can.

Tip #2: Listen to your partner's needs.
Chances are quite high that your love may also be feeling the effects of the disconnection between the two of you. Just as he or she listened to what you need in order to let go of the argument or misunderstanding, give your partner that same gift.

Keep your heart open and, for the moment, just listen. You don't have to make a snap decision about what action (if any) you will take. Listen and consider all possibilities.

It could be your partner has realized that there are unresolved issues with this former boyfriend or girlfriend.

Your love does not want or intend to get back together with this person, but would like a deeper sense of closure about some aspect of that past relationship. As threatening as the e-mailing may feel to you, this could end up allowing your partner to be more fully present and open with you.

Tip #3: Stay present and future-focused.
Avoid revisiting the particulars of the argument or misunderstanding unless you absolutely have to. Playing "you said, I said" will probably reignite the tension and solidify that wall between you two. Instead, address those needs you shared with one another as best you can-- for yourself and for your partner.

Share with your partner what your vision of your futurerelationship looks like. You might see a relationship where you better support one another emotionally, trust one another more completely, listen to one another with more openness and feel more deeply connected.

Your vision could be as general or as specific as you'd like it to be. Listen to the vision your love has and look for ways those visions overlap. Celebrate this vision and keep it in your focus as you take steps toward it and away from the past.

dont creat any sorta misunderstanding cuz its often the cause of the death of a relation
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