“The Three Types of Relationships, Which One Resembles Yours?”
Relationships may be sorted into three major types.
1. A relationship that is based mainly on soul interaction. This is a positive, warm relationship where both partners will help
and encourage each other, which will in turn allow the relationship to grow and develop.
2. A relationship that is mainly based on ego interaction. This is usually a cold, sometimes destructive relationship that
goes nowhere. It is filled with blame, conflict, anger, resentment, arguments and alienation. The partners grow
increasingly bitter until one day they separate.
3. A mixed relationship. One partner is more ego-oriented and the other more soul-based. In this instance, the latter will
always take the responsibility to make the relationship work, but may feel frustrated and disappointed at the lack of
cooperation and understanding from the significant other.
Naturally, we want to strive to develop any relationship based on spiritual principles. This would be an honest, open,
direct, attentive, warm and mutually supportive relationship.
Almost no one is free of ego behavior; nevertheless, in such a relationship, the ego’s activity is not a basis for bitter
fights. Both partners accept mutual limitations and help each other to overcome them. They learn to use their own unique
strengths to balance each other’s weaknesses. They encourage each other’s personal development, which in turn will
promote a healthy growth of the relationship itself.
Close your eyes and picture such an environment for you and the other person in your most significant relationship. What
is the nature of the actual relationship compared to this mental picture? How do you want to change in order to create
that environment?
Yes, the question is “How do YOU want to change?” Common complaints I hear regularly are “If only she would understand
me; If only he would listen to me.” I explain that we cannot and should not try to change others, not only because it
doesn't work, but also because it makes things worse.
The more you want your partner to change, the more likely that your partner will stay the way he or she is, and sometimes
even get worse. This is a fundamental principle based on how the ego operates. But paradoxically--and by now you
understand how these paradoxes work--if you stop pressuring for change, if you genuinely accept your partner just the
way he or she is, the change will probably occur naturally. I have proven this principle many times to my patients. Note
though that the key word here is “genuinely.” Genuine acceptance is something you can’t fake.
The most important relationships are and will always be the relations inside the family and relationships between lovers. The
family is, from the beginning of mankind, one of the most important points in a person's life. The family is the one you belong
to, the family is the first you are missing when you are far away and the one you feel that you can lean on when you feel
lonely, and the family should surely be the place where you feel home, no matter where you are. Unfortunately it often
happens that families fall apart, parents are breaking up and the children are being raised only with one family part.
The relationship between lovers is without any doubt the most complicated and interesting of all relationships between two
people. Probably the most beautiful is the one where you are getting back all the love and trust you are giving to your
partner. When you feel that your lover means the whole world for you and that your life would be senseless without that
person. Then you know you found your perfect match. But there can't be only great moments in a relationship, lovers can
lose the trust they once had, or the affection they felt and suddenly even the most perfect looking relationship can turn in
time into a real nightmare. You're starting to see only bad things and habits of the loved person and you forget to praise all
the good sides you once adored so much, the love you felt turns into routine and the risk of finding someone else or being
cheated rises fast.
For a good working relationship between lovers, both sides should be open to talk about anything and trust each other.
Even in the most serious relationship, we all need free space to feel independent. That's why we have to try to not cover
the partner with too much love or control her/him. If the love is true and deep nothing will ever tear lovers apart.
Relationships between parents and children are often difficult, mostly when the children are growing up. Getting older
means for most of us knowing more, understanding what in the past were just mysteries and starting to explore new
things on our own. One of the worst problems between parents and their kids is the lack of communication. Parents are
not trying to understand us better, they are busy with their jobs and other "adult" problems. Not cleaning up our room, not
learning enough or just not being home on time are small things that are causing conflicts.
Even if sometimes or most of the times it is quite hard to understand why parents are getting mad so easily or why some
things are forbidden, children should try to accept parents' decision because in the end we all know that parents are just
wanting the best for us. In the meantime parents should try to be a little more tolerant and to understand that nowadays
the youth can't be like the youth was at their time and that we are having more opportunities than they had. We also
have to remember that we're facing a way more complicated society with more problems and more and better ways to
have fun and so, to get in danger.
We can't say much about the relationships between neighbors. They can be good or bad. Sure… it would be perfectly if it
could be like in those movies where neighbors are coming to borrow coffee or sugar from you but the reality is often not
that bright. Try to get along with your neighbors, and maybe they are showing their nice side too!
Commitment and love are important to all of us; they are worth fighting for; they are worth working for. You also should
know that in spite of many promises there is no secret for success, no checklist of things to do, and just as importantly
no checklist of things not to do. But we do have suggestions, now continuing with the letter E. The focus is on earnest,
emotional, and encouraging.
E is for earnest. This quality is so important one of the English language’s greatest writers, Oscar
Wilde, wrote a play entitled, "The Importance of Being Earnest." Or maybe it was "The Importance of Being Ernest."
Anyway, being earnest means being serious, really serious. If you are earnest people know that you mean business. In fact
more than that, they know you mean what you say. They know you’ll get it done instead of saying let George do it. You
don’t pass the buck. The downside is that in some workplaces guess who will be given the thankless tasks, the ones that
nobody wants. Did I hear Ernie? I know I didn’t hear George.
E is for emotional. You are not a bloodless automaton. You’ve got a heart. Perhaps you even cry in
the corner when nobody sees you. That’s a good thing. Because you have an inner self and you are in touch with your
inner self you can reach out to people. The more you reach out, the more people will reach out to you. They realize that
they don’t have to hide their feelings in your presence. They, too, can be themselves. The way I see it, we need more
people who are emotional in all parts of their life, including the workplace. Just remember, don’t let the boss see you
crying when you are turned down for a promotion. That won’t help your chances the next time.
E is for encouraging. This quality is also sorely lacking not only in the business world but also on
the personal plane. People need encouragement. They need to know that they can do it and that someone is rooting for
them. Isn’t that a lot better than being negative, telling people that they just are not good enough? You can be
encouraging; I know you can. Don’t let any stop you.
Relationships may be sorted into three major types.
1. A relationship that is based mainly on soul interaction. This is a positive, warm relationship where both partners will help
and encourage each other, which will in turn allow the relationship to grow and develop.
2. A relationship that is mainly based on ego interaction. This is usually a cold, sometimes destructive relationship that
goes nowhere. It is filled with blame, conflict, anger, resentment, arguments and alienation. The partners grow
increasingly bitter until one day they separate.
3. A mixed relationship. One partner is more ego-oriented and the other more soul-based. In this instance, the latter will
always take the responsibility to make the relationship work, but may feel frustrated and disappointed at the lack of
cooperation and understanding from the significant other.
Naturally, we want to strive to develop any relationship based on spiritual principles. This would be an honest, open,
direct, attentive, warm and mutually supportive relationship.
Almost no one is free of ego behavior; nevertheless, in such a relationship, the ego’s activity is not a basis for bitter
fights. Both partners accept mutual limitations and help each other to overcome them. They learn to use their own unique
strengths to balance each other’s weaknesses. They encourage each other’s personal development, which in turn will
promote a healthy growth of the relationship itself.
Close your eyes and picture such an environment for you and the other person in your most significant relationship. What
is the nature of the actual relationship compared to this mental picture? How do you want to change in order to create
that environment?
Yes, the question is “How do YOU want to change?” Common complaints I hear regularly are “If only she would understand
me; If only he would listen to me.” I explain that we cannot and should not try to change others, not only because it
doesn't work, but also because it makes things worse.
The more you want your partner to change, the more likely that your partner will stay the way he or she is, and sometimes
even get worse. This is a fundamental principle based on how the ego operates. But paradoxically--and by now you
understand how these paradoxes work--if you stop pressuring for change, if you genuinely accept your partner just the
way he or she is, the change will probably occur naturally. I have proven this principle many times to my patients. Note
though that the key word here is “genuinely.” Genuine acceptance is something you can’t fake.
The most important relationships are and will always be the relations inside the family and relationships between lovers. The
family is, from the beginning of mankind, one of the most important points in a person's life. The family is the one you belong
to, the family is the first you are missing when you are far away and the one you feel that you can lean on when you feel
lonely, and the family should surely be the place where you feel home, no matter where you are. Unfortunately it often
happens that families fall apart, parents are breaking up and the children are being raised only with one family part.
The relationship between lovers is without any doubt the most complicated and interesting of all relationships between two
people. Probably the most beautiful is the one where you are getting back all the love and trust you are giving to your
partner. When you feel that your lover means the whole world for you and that your life would be senseless without that
person. Then you know you found your perfect match. But there can't be only great moments in a relationship, lovers can
lose the trust they once had, or the affection they felt and suddenly even the most perfect looking relationship can turn in
time into a real nightmare. You're starting to see only bad things and habits of the loved person and you forget to praise all
the good sides you once adored so much, the love you felt turns into routine and the risk of finding someone else or being
cheated rises fast.
For a good working relationship between lovers, both sides should be open to talk about anything and trust each other.
Even in the most serious relationship, we all need free space to feel independent. That's why we have to try to not cover
the partner with too much love or control her/him. If the love is true and deep nothing will ever tear lovers apart.
Relationships between parents and children are often difficult, mostly when the children are growing up. Getting older
means for most of us knowing more, understanding what in the past were just mysteries and starting to explore new
things on our own. One of the worst problems between parents and their kids is the lack of communication. Parents are
not trying to understand us better, they are busy with their jobs and other "adult" problems. Not cleaning up our room, not
learning enough or just not being home on time are small things that are causing conflicts.
Even if sometimes or most of the times it is quite hard to understand why parents are getting mad so easily or why some
things are forbidden, children should try to accept parents' decision because in the end we all know that parents are just
wanting the best for us. In the meantime parents should try to be a little more tolerant and to understand that nowadays
the youth can't be like the youth was at their time and that we are having more opportunities than they had. We also
have to remember that we're facing a way more complicated society with more problems and more and better ways to
have fun and so, to get in danger.
We can't say much about the relationships between neighbors. They can be good or bad. Sure… it would be perfectly if it
could be like in those movies where neighbors are coming to borrow coffee or sugar from you but the reality is often not
that bright. Try to get along with your neighbors, and maybe they are showing their nice side too!
Commitment and love are important to all of us; they are worth fighting for; they are worth working for. You also should
know that in spite of many promises there is no secret for success, no checklist of things to do, and just as importantly
no checklist of things not to do. But we do have suggestions, now continuing with the letter E. The focus is on earnest,
emotional, and encouraging.
E is for earnest. This quality is so important one of the English language’s greatest writers, Oscar
Wilde, wrote a play entitled, "The Importance of Being Earnest." Or maybe it was "The Importance of Being Ernest."
Anyway, being earnest means being serious, really serious. If you are earnest people know that you mean business. In fact
more than that, they know you mean what you say. They know you’ll get it done instead of saying let George do it. You
don’t pass the buck. The downside is that in some workplaces guess who will be given the thankless tasks, the ones that
nobody wants. Did I hear Ernie? I know I didn’t hear George.
E is for emotional. You are not a bloodless automaton. You’ve got a heart. Perhaps you even cry in
the corner when nobody sees you. That’s a good thing. Because you have an inner self and you are in touch with your
inner self you can reach out to people. The more you reach out, the more people will reach out to you. They realize that
they don’t have to hide their feelings in your presence. They, too, can be themselves. The way I see it, we need more
people who are emotional in all parts of their life, including the workplace. Just remember, don’t let the boss see you
crying when you are turned down for a promotion. That won’t help your chances the next time.
E is for encouraging. This quality is also sorely lacking not only in the business world but also on
the personal plane. People need encouragement. They need to know that they can do it and that someone is rooting for
them. Isn’t that a lot better than being negative, telling people that they just are not good enough? You can be
encouraging; I know you can. Don’t let any stop you.